Im not who I once was.
JUNE 2012
A few weeks after he
passed I wrote this for him
I was 14.
ALVIN
Big brown eyes that spoke words of truth.
A big smile for a little kid,
that made so many happy.
That little squishy nose that I miss so
much,
turned frowns upside down for plenty.
Although his life here was short, (and so
was he)
He made a mark in so many people’s memory.
His heart was big in his tiny body
So it was truly easy to love daddy and
mommy
And they loved him back, more than he could
ever know,
which made it so much
harder
when he had to go.
But he had to go, back to where we all
began
Where we will see him once again and hold
his little hand .
His little hand that I whish I could have
held more than I did.
He was such a cute little kid.
My little cousin so small and frail…
He waits for me on the other side of the
Veil.
It
was a nice day in the middle of June. I woke up to the news that my cousins who
live in idaho Idaho had been in a car accident and that Alvin—who was 5 years
old—was unconcious but that he should wake up by the end of the day. That night
there was a stake dance and at 14 there was no better place for me to be on a
Saturday night, so I pushed the thought aside knowing that he would wake up and
continued with my preparations for the dance that night.
While enjoying myself at the dance,
my mind was far from that hospital room where Alvin lay unconcious. There was
still no word of him re-gaining conciousness but I had no doubt that the doctors would fix
him, they can fix anything, they always do.
Then I got a call.
It was my mom.
And I will never
forget the way her voice shook when she told me,
“Mairin, they don’t
think Alvin is going to make it.”
Silence.
I finally choked out,
“this is not
happening,”
I could hear her heart
breaking on the other side of the phone.
We drove all through
the night.
I barley slept at all.
I stared out the
window and pleaded with god
not to take him from
me.
I don’t like to choose
favorites but boy did I love Alvin.
Three years earlier we
had been at a family reunion and all the little kids were on a scavenger hunt.
Alvin was just two years old and couldn’t keep up with the older kids, so I put
him on my back and carried him the whole time. I remember my limbs aching
towards the end but I didn’t care one bit because he was so happy.
After a long night of
whispered prayers we arrived at the hospital.
There he lay,
motionless, eyes shut.
I missed his chocolate
chip eyes.
The monitor to the
right of his bed showed his brain activity.
There was none.
Family members
gathered around his bed to say goodbye.
I touched his litte
foot and told him I loved him.
I know he heard me.
We sang.
“God Be With You Till
We Meet Again.”
Then we left him and his parents for their
last moments.
I lay on the ground of
the waiting room.
Speechless, trying not
to think about the fact that Alvin was moments from no longer being with us,
when a nurse layed a warm blanket over the top of me.
I was suddenly filled
with love.
I knew that I would
see Alvin again.
I know that I will see
Alvin again.
My little cousin so small and fraill
He waits for me on the other side of the
veil.
