Five simple steps to making sure the boy you like does not like you back.

Probably wondering why I chose this topic. 

Well this week as I was pondering what to write on, the thought of how stupid I had been earlier kept interfering with my train of thought. So I decided to write about that. 

How I deflect the boys I like. 

It's quite easy actually. 

1. OVERTHINK-
Make sure to overthink absolutely everything when you are with him. The way he's looking at you, the way he's standing, the way you're standing, what he's saying, what you're saying. Trust me, it works. Cause then it leads to step number two...

2. BECOME NERVOUS-
Now that you have begun to overthink, you will start to become nervous. It's natural. Now you will begin to panic. This is natural as well. You will begin to dread the moment he stops talking because then it is your turn and you are so nervous you can't even remember what he was talking about, better yet come up with an answer. This is when step three happens...

3. BLABBERING- 
Begin to say whatever comes to your mind first to fill the silence. Anything will suffice. Stories. Ya those usually work really well. By the end, he doesn't even remember what the point was and neither do you. He responds with a slight laugh and confused look and you respond with a louder laugh and a much too forced smile. Now that's a charmer.

4. WATCH FROM AFAR- 
Stare at him from a safe distance (ranging anywhere from 10ft to well as far away as you can get while still being able to identify him). Linger. And then right when he turns in your direction, turn your head and examine the nearest object with intense concentration, acting like you have been doing so the whole time. 
Wanna know a secret? 
He sees you every time,
and is probably scared, concerned, annoyed and/or flattered but creeped out at the same time.

5. FANTASIZE-
This step is very easy to accomplish. Most girls do it subconsciously... or it's just me that does it. If so, that's embarrassing... Anyways... You construct and dream of every perfect scenario with him. The perfect date, first kiss, second, third, and fourth kiss as well, your wedding, your 2 boys and 2 girls (all with names starting with the letter M), your perfect house on the coast of Oregon, and finally how you will grow old together and always love each other. 

After fantasizing you return to reality and find this is the opposite of what is happening. So you conclude that you must speak to him to make things change. As you approach him you begin to overthink, become nervous, blabber, watch from afar, and fantasize all over again until the fantasizing is about the extent of your relationship.

So there ya go! 

If you ever want to ensure that the boy you've been crushing on for years never likes you back just follow these steps. 

Let me know if it works :)